


Ancap and Ancom Hotbox a Cop Car

by kin_krat



Category: The Centricide (Webseries)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24658702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kin_krat/pseuds/kin_krat
Summary: This was originally gonna be actual smut but I'm afraid of the horny gestapo coming to get me
Relationships: Libunity
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	Ancap and Ancom Hotbox a Cop Car

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this in the wee hours of the morning. Currently 2 AM. It's kinda shit, but also kinda good. Not meant to be an accurate depiction of getting stoned, I mean they're ideologies I can't imagine they react the same to drugs as us. Or something idk have that lame excuse lol

“Get in!”

The door slammed shut and Ancom was thrown back in qis seat as the car sped off, the sirens still on and blaring. Qi was Ancap’s eyes in the back, updating him on the status of the other police vehicles following suit. Ancom punched the siren button off which allowed Ancap’s never ending chain of “fuck shit fuck shit” under his breath to be heard as he hunched into the wheel.

“10-40,” came the obnoxiously fuzzy voice on the radio, “We’ve got a 10-40 heading down-”

“Shut the fuck up!” qi interrupted the radio.

“They’re gaining, we gotta get somewhere, somewhere-”

“Secluded?”

“Yeah, and you better get there fucking fast!”

Ancap’s heart was racing. The stimulants that were still in his system and the adrenaline from the police chase were just about to give him a heart attack. He whizzed past corner stores and homes before getting to an area that had less street lights- it was mainly just homes tucked into the woody surroundings. The road was winding, and it had corners that would put the blaring cars behind them out of sight for a few moments.

And that’s when he spotted escape.

For a guy who didn’t have a driver’s license, Ancom was impressed that he was going as fast as he was without running anyone- or anything- over. Wait did he still have his sunglasses on? Qi had no time to think about this. Ancap made a sharp swerve and qi gripped desperately onto the head rest for support, still facing back. The cop car skid for a moment before propelling straight forward again. The heavily forested b-road he had turned onto engulfed the headlights as they disappeared down it.

Ancap didn’t let his foot off the gas pedal. He didn’t bother to avoid potholes because the poorly maintained dirt road was littered with them. He kept going, Ancom still staying vigilant. The sirens had begun to drain away, and qi estimated that they had passed the detour.

“We gotta get off the road,” Ancom announced.

“To where, in the woods? I’ll hit the trees.”

“No, I know that, to a, a fuckin uh, clearing!”

Ancap slowed down, now focusing on finding a place to pull into and Ancom kept alert for the sound of sirens returning. He finally came upon a section where the trees were thinly dispersed, the gaps between them big enough to fit the car. He backed up into them and turned the headlights off. It would be easy to drive out of the spot if need be.

He finally threw his head back, exhaling the breath he didn’t know he had been holding. Ancom had clambered back around, breathing heavily. They sat like that in silence for a moment before Ancom began laughing. It started out slowly and awkward, but quickly became natural and joyous. It was contagious as Ancap shared it with qim.

When they quieted down, Ancom once again broke the comfortable wordlessness.

“Wanna get high?”

“What?” Ancap seemed perplexed, “You can, but I’m driving.”

“Dude, I saw you take a shit load of crack before we committed fuckin grand theft auto!”

“Well, that’s just because I need it.”

“Since when have you cared about whether or not you need to? I know you want to~” Ancom sang, taking a baggy of kush out of the pocket of qis zip up hoodie.

Ancap looked at it and frowned, contemplating.

“What if the cops come?”

“I’ll bash those piggies heads in!” Ancom exclaimed, grabbing qis bat from the floor and reenacting qimself doing the deed.

“I suppose I could pay them off to keep quiet,” Ancap said slowly.

“ _Or_ I could just bash them,” Ancom contended.

“That could be plan B if my idea doesn’t work.”

“Ok whatever, you wanna help me make some joints or not?” qi said holding out some rolling paper.

Ancap waved qim off.

“I have my own,” he said reaching into his blazer.

He frowned, digging around. He pulled out a baggy of coke, a dip tin, and even some heroin. Ancom eyed the bag of heroin he had set on the dashboard, and while Ancap searched, slipped it into qis own hoodie pocket. He felt around some more, but pulled his hand out defeated.

Ancom held out the rolling paper again. Ancap eyed it but didn’t take it.

“How much do you want for it?”

“Dude nothing, it’s called sharing.”

“Well, are you going to pay for that heroin?”

Ancom’s eyes widened slightly. Qi thought qi had been sneaky enough. But qi rolled qis eyes and stuffed some of the kush into the paper.

“Nah.”

Ancap frowned.

“Stealing violates the NAP,” he needlessly explained, “I have every right to aggress back.”

Ancom rocked qis knees back and forth not looking at him.

“Yeah but you know you’re not gonna.”

Qi was right. Ancap sighed and looked up at the ceiling of the cop car.

“Ok, it can be a trade,” he finally offered, “It’s not at all worth as much as the heroin, but I guess I can do it because we’re friends. Y’know, friendly discount.”

Friends. Ancap cringed at the word. But he guessed that was what Ancom was to him, at least right now. You don’t exactly steal government property with enemies right? Steal, well, more like take back. Nothing belongs to the government per say.

“Ok deal,” Ancom agreed handing him the rolling paper, a crutch and some kush.

Ancap took it and placed the crutch on the paper. He generously packed it before licking the glue and sealing it. He finished by twisting the end and held it between his fingers.

“Do you have a lighter?”

“Yeah of course,” Ancom replied tossing said lighter to him.

Ancap went to light it up but Ancom shrieked “wait!”.

“We should, we should hotbox this thing,” qi explained, and Ancap could practically see the mischievous grin under the face mask.

“But what if the cops…”

“We went over this, I got the fash basher right here,” this time qi said it while gesturing to the bat with qis foot.

“Alright, then I don’t see why not.”

“Sweet, but we should get in the back because it’s cramped as fuck up here.”

They peeled themselves out of the front seats, entering the stagnant summer air and then into the back. The sound of the back doors slamming shut had a much different tone than earlier when they had gotten into the cop car. The seats and pieces of their faces and bodies were highlighted only by the moon.

“We do it at the same time for a better effect,” qi said.

Ancap nodded and they lit their joints. The smoke entered their lungs and they let it settle for a second. Ancom glanced at Ancap and he nodded. They exhaled and the smoke gushed out their mouths. Each smoke cloud dispersed and intertwined with each other until it was one singular cloud above their heads.

“That’s the good shit…” Ancom sighed, sinking into qis seat before letting out another cloud.

Ancap hummed in agreement and did the same.

“Commie would never do this with me,” Ancom said, “He’s always been anti-drug as hell. Something about them distracting the proletariat… or something, I never actually pay attention.”

“Statists will always try to legislate morality,” Ancap coincided, “Personal responsibility is the only thing that really matters. I don’t know why you bother sticking around to listen to a commie, a uh, tankie.”

Ancom shrugged.

“You’re not really one to talk. I know you hang out with the Nazi.”

“I don’t, not unless for professional purposes.”

Ancom scoffed.

“That’s bullshit! Y’know what, I bet you like him,” Ancom shook qis head, “And that’s really fucking gross.”

“How are you concluding that from the short time we’ve been cramped into a house together?” Ancap asked, seemingly offended while puffing smoke.

“ _Oh Nazi!_ The leftists are violating my NAP come help me!” Ancom mocked trying to put on Ancap’s snobby voice, “ _Oh Nazi!_ I can’t reach the top shelf can you come help me get this box of rich people food? _Oh Nazi!_ This hentai that I pay a premium subscription for like some weirdo isn’t doing it for me can you come fuck me? _Oh Nazi!_ ”

Each “oh Nazi” came out more cracked and screechy than the last and Ancom giggled to qimself at qis impression of the other lib next to qim. Ancap only scowled.

“We only fuck because he pays me, I don’t _need_ him to do anything. When there’s an opportunity to use him, I take it.”

Ancom mockingly nodded before pausing.

“Wait, you guys actually do fuck?”

Ancap seemed caught off guard before looking away in shame at the confession.

“It’s not something I should discuss, it’s private business. I’ve technically said too much already.”

“Man, that’s, like, that really is gross, fucking a literal fascist,” Ancom cackled, on the verge of both disgust and amusement.

Qi let out more smoke before realizing that a fact about the rightist had just been revealed to qim.

“Are you gay?”

“If someone pays me to be, sure.”

“No, like, do you love guys? Or just sometimes wanna fuck them for no reason other than they’re really attractive and their smell draws you in, that musk, and…”

Ancap had an eyebrow quirked as the leftist became carried away before shaking his head.

“I don’t really know. I’m fine with having sex with men if that’s what you’re asking.”

Ancom nodded thoughtfully, taking the info in before brightening.

“So I was right! _Oh Nazi!_ Wait, are you a top or a bottom? You seem more like a bottom to me.”

Ancap visibly relaxed and took another drag.

“I’m whatever someone pays me to be.”

“You’ve never fucked for free?” Ancom asked in disbelief.

“There’s no point in having sex if I’m not getting something out of it.”

“Right… I guess something natural like an orgasm doesn’t count to you.”

Ancom noted to qimself that qi’d have to fix that. A couple minutes had passed since they began, and the inside of the cop car had become thinly fogged with the marijuana smoke. Neither’s high had kicked in yet, but their heart beats had definitely slowed. They sat in the smoke, exhaling it from their joints before inhaling it from the atmosphere. Soon the “hot” in hotbox started to become noticeable and Ancap began fanning himself. Ancom pulled qis hoodie over qis head, careful not to spill anything from the pockets and set it down. Qi was now in just a black t-shirt and jeans, messy hair greased from the heat and sticking to qis neck and forehead.

“How the fuck are you not melting right now?” qi asked.

“I really don’t know,” Ancap replied.

They continued to routine of inhaling and exhaling. Eventually the car was nothing but a thick wall of recycled cannabis smoke. Ancap’s eyes had begun to water and he was glad he had his sunglasses on. They sat in a cozy silence for some minutes. Neither were sure how long they had been there anymore, time seemed to have slowed. Ancom furrowed qis eyebrows. Maybe reversed? Each extreme motion was like wading through warm syrup.

Qi was taken aback at Ancap’s voice cutting through it.

“What do you think we are?” he asked.

“We’re like, people, but also ideas.”

“I get that, but like, how’d we get here?”

Ancom thought for a moment.

“No fucking clue, I don’t really remember.”

They had both taken a break from joints, those of which had been reduced to stubs at this point. Ancap stared down at his lap, seemingly deep in thought.

“Do you ever think this stuff, our life, is all made up?”

Ancom could tell Ancap was finally hit by the drug. His speech had slowed down and he spoke with less confidence. He was also asking really weird questions. Ancom shrugged.

“Maybe, does it really matter? We’re all just dust in the wind, made up or not.”

“I guess… it just feels… well you and me, we’re sitting here right now, we wouldn’t be. Probably not. If it wasn’t for the Centricide. For, for Jreg. Who even is he?”

“I don’t think I care,” Ancom replied slowly.

Qi felt taken aback for a reason qi couldn’t put into words. It felt like qi was being confronted with something, but qi couldn’t tell what.

“Isn’t it strange? For us to be in a house with authoritarians anyways? I can’t… what’s wrong with the center anyways really? They… they become us. If they weren’t there there’d be no one to follow us. For us to spread our ideas to. They’re a starting point. How are they, threatening… aggressing against us?”

“Yeah the plot doesn’t really make sense,” Ancom concurred.

“Yes, how was it expected that we get along? I mean, maybe you and me, but with those other guys? Commie doesn’t respect you Ancom, he treats you like a kid… he’s using you. Always has.”

“I know,” Ancom sighed, “But it’s not like you wouldn’t either.”

“Maybe,” Ancap said turning away slightly, “But I wouldn’t lie to you about it as much as he does.”

Ancom shrugged.

“Whatever this Centricide thing is, it’s giving me a place to stay, so, so I’m not going to worry about it right now,” qi stated.

Now Ancap sighed and rested back.

“Maybe it’s for the best. It just feels like I’m living in the Matrix or something sometimes.”

“Oh yeah, the uh, directors, they’re trans women. Isn’t that so cool?”

Ancap nodded.

“I guess. If like, there’s some weird stuff going on in our… realm?” he looked to Ancom who had qis eyes closed, “Well, y’know, not so much the regular people, but like _our_ world. Who do you think, like, controls us. If it’s a simulation… or a story or some sort of thing like that.”

“In the movie it’s like robots or something.”

“Yeah I know but we haven’t got advanced AI or whatever. Yet. Have you ever heard of, of transhumanism?”

Ancom opened qis eyes.

“Yeah you’ve talked to me about it, him? Before. Anyways, if it’s not robots it’s probably aliens.”

Ancap pondered that quietly.

“I bet it’s the government.”

“You think everything’s fault is the government’s,” Ancom snorted.

“You think everything’s fault is the rich’s,” Ancap retorted.

“Ah,” Ancom held quis hand up, “Half the rich’s, the other half’s the government’s.”

Ancap paused.

“So am I at fault?”

“I don’t know, are you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know a lot of things.”

Ancom had sat up and scooted closer to where Ancap was seated, still looking at his lap. The patches of moonlight seemed to be swimming against the smoke, vibrantly lighting him up.

“I know I stole a police car with you tonight,” Ancap finally replied confidently looking up and at Ancom.

He was surprised to find qim suddenly so much closer. The heat of the enclosed space finally got to him. He tugged at the collar of his shirt.

“You’re right, it really is hot in here,” he mumbled.

It was true, maybe he was thinking to much to notice it but his entire dress shirt was drenched with sweat now.

“You should take that off,” Ancom suggested.

Ancap hesitated but finally nodded, sliding the blazer off.

“We should both take our shirts off, we don’t wanna overheat or something,” Ancom said, now taking qis own shirt off.

Ancap could barely see qim. He wanted to disagree, but it was just so fucking hot. He finally unbuttoned and tore it off. His skin made contact with the smoky air and it felt so much better than previously. So there they were, shirtless together in the back of a cop car. Heads buzzing, both at a loss of words, both probably forgetting the other was even there at some intervals.

It stayed like that for a few minutes before Ancom felt qi had landed a bit. Maybe qi was on the moon, able to touch the surface but the gravity wouldn’t keep qim grounded. Just barely there, not quite. Qi wondered what Ancap was thinking. The man still had his sunglasses and fedora on. Why was he still wearing that shit?

“Hey, why are you still wearing that shit?”

Ancap perked at that and looked at Ancom.

“Wearing what?”

“That stupid hat, and those sunglasses. It’s like pitch black, no need.”

Ancap shrugged.

“I can see with them on.”

“Oh yeah? Okay tell me what face I’m making.”

Ancom proceeded to pout qis lip.

Ancap took a quick look.

“You’re smiling.”

“Wrong! You gotta take them off now.”

Ancap sighed but gave in, removing them.

“Ohh…” came his voice softly as though realizing something, “There’s light in here.”

“Yeah, but like barely any. Take the hat off too.”

“The hat stays on.”

Ancom rolled qis eyes but didn’t argue. And maybe they were in the matrix, part of some simulation, or some story because Ancom had found qimself leaning in to the rightist. Qi wasn’t sure why, qi just felt like it. Wanted to get a better look maybe.

And qi did.

The sunglasses had been hiding Ancap’s watery, expectedly bloodshot, eyes. There was also bags, probably from his crack binges of never ending sleep to do what? Watch stocks? Easily presumable. Ancap stared right back at qim. Was he expectant? Even though the sunglasses were off qi felt qi could still barely understand the other. So instead qi did what was easier, and closed the gap between them.

Their mouths connected, and for what felt like the first time in hours they had stopped inhaling the smoke. It was just each other now, breath caught between them. Ancom wasn’t even sure why qi was doing it, it just felt right in the moment. And Ancap, he wasn’t sure why anyone would ever do this on a whim before now. But somehow, it also felt like the right thing to be doing in that moment.

Ancom had pushed qimself up against Ancap. He had his back against the window so Ancom could position qimself between his open legs. Ancom wrapped qis arms around his neck, locking them together. Their lips stayed smushed, Ancap unsure what to do with his hands and opting to place them on qims hips. The touch was faint, as if they were barely there. He definitely felt Ancom against him though. The pouring sweat that had gathered on their skin from the heat had collided, rubbing up on each other like a slip and slide. He could feel the thin frame of the left anarchist pressing deeply into his slight chub. And most of all he could feel the other’s heartbeat. It was racing- or was that his own? It seemed like both of theirs, both out of sync, the sound of two rhythms clearly there. Everything was vibrant even though there was no proper light to shine on the colors.

He reveled in the feeling of the hot tongue that played into his mouth, finally taking the initiative to play back with his own. The feeling of pins ran down his spine as he felt Ancom let out a small noise in his mouth.

Suddenly, Ancom’s fingers had slipped down to his thighs and he had opened his mouth a bit too wide in surprise, gulping in a bit too much of the smoke at once. He leaned away, coughing and wheezing, trying to regain proper breath. Ancom’s eyes were glazed over as qi watched him splutter. Qi brought qis hand away and propped qis head with them like a pillow on Ancap’s chest.

Ancap finally calmed down, returning to normal as he looked down to the other on his chest. Qis eyes were lidded now, not really taking anything in. He could tell qi was tired, and he was too. It felt heavier than the high and the moisturized heat and he just wanted to sleep now.

So that’s what they both did, oblivious, or maybe just not caring about the sirens in the distance.

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of thinking about writing another Right unity fic ngl, wanna make it weird, like usual. Also for the first one, I had been thinking of adding another chapter, more story, but then I realized I seriously don't feel like it. So now it's got the unfinished marker on it and bothers the shit out of me but i'm worried that if i edit and update it as complete its gonna show up in the sort by recent section and i don't want it to lmao


End file.
